18 April 2019

Your NSDF horoscope, courtesy of the mystic Marina Johnson


You will get lost looking for your next show's venue. 'Where is Curve 2?', you say to yourself and you walk around and around and around the circular building. It is not on the second floor. You will learn this too late.


You walk out of a show that had literally changed your life. You walk into another show that make you will question why you ever attend the theatre.


You will make a shortlist of workshops that you want to go to. They are all on at the same time. You make another list. They are all filled up. You go to a workshop. Some time later you come out – changed. 


You will stare longingly at the vegan blueberry croissant in Curve cafe. How can one piece of patisserie promise so much? How can it possibly ever be as glorious as its label suggests? Surely if you purchase such an item it will never fulfil the preconceptions you have built around it. It will only let you down.


You will have your first piece of fruit in days. You will want to weep. Weep. Catharsis is good.


After some intense eye contact with a tall dark stranger across the Festival Company, you will both reach for the pen at the same time. The future is yours, continue this conversation at the bar.


You will see someone you know. You KNOW you know them. You have seen their face before. They greet you as a friend, you chat. You cannot remember their name. It is not too late. Ask.


You will fall in love with a fictional character you meet in a performance. There is nothing to offer but solace.


You see a place to sit that is not a chair. It may be a table, it may be a window, it may be the wall. If you fit, you sit.


There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a baby Source 4. There is a light, you have found it. You have been looking for this box for 30 minutes. Cradle the baby Source 4. Hush little baby.


You will have so many ideas of things you want to write to for Noises Off. You will stare at your notebook. Feeling like the English language has fallen out your ear. Pick it up off the floor and push though.


You will spend the day stage-dooring Simon Stephens. Each time you pluck up the courage to speak to him, you will get distracted by his hair. Is it dyed? What product does he use? And someone will take your spot.

@noffmag / [email protected]