Here's a song that won't have been played at the open mic.
To the tune of Piano Man, I give you:
Techie Man
by Jack Ellis
It's 1 o'clock in the morning
Audience crowd shuffles out
The stage manager gives us the all clear
To get on with our get out
They say fuck me dead that was a shitshow
From start right on down to the end
The acting was gash I think the lead has a rash
And they're driving me right round the bend
La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Derig that light you're the techie man
Derig that light tonight
Cause we wanna get rid of that strobe effect
And you're cleared for working at height
Now John in the booth is a friend of mine
Hes a wizard with Qlab 3
And he's quick on the cues
He's quicker on boos
And there's some place that he'd rather be
He says Jack I believe this is killing me
As the wash ran away from his face
Cause I'm sure that I could be a CTD
If I could get out of this place
La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Now Paul is a sound design specialist
Who never had time for a wife
And he's talking with Becky
Who's covered in leccy
And probably will be for life
And the LD is sorting out practicals
As the actors go off and get stoned
This is gonna go on until sunrise
And we'd all kind of like to go home
Derig that light you're the techie man
Derig that light tonight
Cause we wanna get rid of that strobe effect
And you're cleared for working at height
It's a pretty good cast for a Shakespeare
The TSM gives me a smile
Cause he knows that it's me
Directors go and see